grad apps and ambiguity

I just completed my graduate school applications this afternoon. After researching multiple programs and fiddling with various essays for months, I now feel relieved to have the words out of my hands. My intensely edited rhetoric is now for someone else's eyes. I hope that my efforts lead to significant accomplishment (read: admission with fellowship) come spring.

Applying for graduate school was significantly less stressful than applying for college. Why? In my case, the main difficulty with applying for college was defining a course of study. As an accomplished high school musician as well as student, I felt torn. Since musicianship requires a specialized education in performance, theory or pedagogy for professional work, I strongly believed that I needed black-and-white clarity regarding my academic trajectory. What pressure for a 17-year old who loved learning in every subject! - and yes, even mathematics was nice when I had a clever teacher J Choosing one subject over another seemed to betray another love - as though majoring in music would nullify my love for literature, or vice versa.

As I grow older, I am more comfortable with ambiguity. My life choices ought to be interpreted in shades of grey. Yes, I majored in German, but I still play viola to this day. Similarly, I can focus on academic librarianship without sacrificing my love for teaching children.

Professor Hunter was right: moderation, moderation, moderation.